Friday, 06 August 2010

  • Wut wut, in the butt!

    I'm looking around, and I'm not liking what I see.

    It seems that Xanga is now composed entirely of strange groupy-bloggy things, and almost all my favorite bloggers have faded away. Perhaps they all went to Facebook and its Notes. Perhaps they got jobs. Here's hoping they got jobs.

    I had to go back in my old blogs from 2005/2006 to find out the exact date that I started being in a relationship with Martin. See, we're engaged, but most of the world doesn't know it yet. Soon the world will know, but not until I figure out a nice way to tell my whole family there's no ceremony that they're invited to.

    But enough about that. There is absolutely no one who is reading this, and yet I have a strong urge to update Xanga on my life. I guess I never was writing for people, but for myself. That's normal, right? Right?!

    Stop me if I've already said this:

    I'm fully established at UW Whitewater. I finished my first school year and have not yet failed at life in any lasting way. I have settled on being an English major, and no matter how delicious another major looks I am refusing to change again. I just need to fucking graduate already... in three more years.

    I no longer has ferrets. Ashamed of my life of deception and sneakery, I found them a fantastic home in beautiful northern Wisconsin with a family that sends me pictures of my babies on the regular. I think they're in better hands now, so I try not to feel too horrible about giving them up. It is super irresponsible to take on a pet and give it up later- there's just no way around that- but they really seem like they love their new home and new playmate.

    I'm getting married in the fall. Martin and I agreed to become married because there was no good reason not to. Neither of us is religious, but becoming a wife will enable me to finally reap the benefits of being financially independent. That is to say, I'll get a fucking Pell Grant so I can keep going to school.

    My life is normal and predictable. I am still a mess of anxiety and mood swings, but I've embraced that about myself. Embracing evil things really makes them easier to stomach. Nothing about me or my problems has changed except that I have come to terms with all my issues and non-issues.

    Starting this semester, I'm the editor of the Opinion column for my school newspaper. I'm so terrified. See above for clarification regarding my terror.

    Oh, I turned 22 the other day.

    There's so much I could say, but it would all be extremely boring for me to recount. I'm unemployed and super poor, I play video games a lot, I'm drunk at the moment, and I really like doing these semi-annual checkpoints on Xanga. Taking a look at my life and where I am makes me happy. I am increasingly fond of what I find.

Monday, 05 October 2009

  • I blame Facebook.

    And a lack of time.

    So anyway, blogging seems to be for people who know how to write, these days. I'm too busy too form organized, interesting, cohesive posts, especially when it's much easier to text Facebook from my phone to make brief, mindless statements about myself in the third person.

    I'm not going to abandon Xanga but I'm just making up excuses for why I'm never around.

    So let's see... School is in session, I'm taking 16 credits and doing well, I have a kitten named Potassium Benzoate who is now roughly 6 months old and was just neutered on Friday, and I quit my job at Arrow. Life is good!

    I feel like staying home and playing Sacred 2 today, but I'm not going to. I'm going to go to school.

    BYE.

Monday, 17 August 2009

  • L'chaim!

    It's been a month since I last posted, and therefore it has been a month since I've even thought about Xanga.  My life is about to become very busy, between full-time school and almost full-time work.  I thought I'd post now so it doesn't look like I'm giving up Xanga.

    So I'm going to college, but I'm not going to become a teacher like I may have said on a recent blog.  Teacher stress may not be my thing; I'm not gonna risk it.  I'm doing something more fun that is still challenging and that will hopefully make more money than teaching.

    I collect on student loans now, I'm in a department that takes payments on CT loans that are 30-ish days past due.  It's pretty easy and fun.

    I purchased Oblivion and Bioshock for the Xbox 360, I've read most of the Anita Blake series by Laurell K Hamilton, Martin and I got the Adobe CS4 Web Premium package recently, my hours, commission, and hourly wage got cut at work...

    The Adobe thing was stupid.  Martin really wanted to buy this Adobe CS4 Web package because the student pricing on it is $400.  It's normally over $1200.  I agreed, but resentfully because I hate spending money, and he made the order.  He got an email back saying his student ID was not proof enough that he was a student (it's a crappy ID) and he needed to send them a copy of his State ID and proof of registration.  If he didn't respond in 24 hours, the email said, his order would be cancelled.

    Instead of jumping through the hoops, Martin and I decided to just let the order cancel.  Since I'm in a 4-year program, we'll have ample chance to take advantage of the student pricing.  $400 is really not in our budget right now, so we just decided to let it expire.

    3 (note: THREE) days later, we get an email from Adobe telling us our order has been processed and shipped.  What the hell?  So even though we didn't respond and it was well past 24 hours, they decided, what?  They needed the money?  So they pushed the order through.  Wrong, just wrong.

    I didn't call to cancel because Martin still really wanted it, and it didn't actually harm us to spend the money.  It only harms me, because I hoard money and if I'm not hoarding it well I get anxious.  So now we have it, and we both use it, and we'll both continue to need it for school, so it's fine.  Adobe is just dumb.  :P

    Life is exciting.

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

  • Crotch packet!

    Hello after an extremely long, completely accidental hiatus.  Not that there was much to miss, and I say that in an honest and cheerful manner.  I have really been failing to blog lately.

    Here's the reason for my absence, in case you're curious.

    First we bought an Xbox 360, so I was too busy playing Fable II to post.

    Then we bought a new TV, so I was too busy watching nice TV shows and movies to post.

    Then we bought The Sims 3 and Martin hooked the computer up to the new TV, and I was too busy making my eyes bleed to post.

    Currently, a combination of all the aforementioned distractions, as well as reading, browser-based RPGs, trying to keep my house a step above filthy, and occasional, transient feelings of responsibility for my ferrets has kept me away from Xanga.  Facebook is also mildly guilty.

    So anyway, I had a dream last night.  At some point in the dream I caught a fish where I was fishing out of the pond directly inside the front door to my apartment.  An old man who I do not recognize advised me that I should gut it before it dies, so I cut the fish open.  If you ever wanted proof that I have never actually gutted and cleaned a fish in real life, this dream was it.  There were three parts to my fish: meat, bone, and a packet filled with organs.  I basically slit upen the underside and pulled out the organ packet.  Then I was able to peel the meat from the bones with ease, and my fish was ready to be cooked.

    I'm officially a student of UW Whitewater, now.  I went to orientation, registered for classes, and became a Warhawk.  Classes start in September, and I'm actually really excited.  I put in a request to go part-time with work and, as you can imagine, I await their approval with bated breath.  

    To make my life easier, Martin has decided to take advantage of the benefits of a disadvantaged childhood and is accepting a subsidized loan.  This will help us both go to school and work part-time, because any bills I can't pay can be paid with loan money.  It's technically school related since housing was part of both our estimated costs.  Due to my highly advantaged childhood growing up in the white ghetto of Morrell Park, I can only get an unsubsidized loan, but I'm taking it.  My exceptional salary as a high school teacher will make paying bills an effortless feat.

    I'm scared.  I'm afraid that I won't be able to do school and work at the same time, since I basically proved it once before when I was still a minor living with my parents.  Even if I've changed and grown, I haven't challenged myself in years, I feel.  Now I'm going to attempt to go to school full time and work enough hours to pay rent, bills, gas, groceries, etc.  I know Martin will be right there supporting me with his smaller income, but I still feel like the head of the household right now.  I need to be able to make this all happen.

    I'm also excited, and ready to do this college thing as quickly and efficiently as possible, while still taking the 8,657 classes I want to take for fun, and start my career, and hang up my debt collector badge.  If I were to chicken out now, I couldn't live with myself.  I'd definitely quit my job.  

    I'm thinking English Education major with a minor in Spanish Education.  The rapidly growing hispanic population in Wisconsin makes knowing Spanish a near-necessity for new teachers.  I was going to do a Biology Education minor or something to be more marketable, but I've heard of prospective teachers being turned away in some areas for not being bilingual.  With it being a Spanish Education minor rather than just a Spanish minor, I'll be certified to teach the language, not just trained to speak it.  I can always go back for Biology Education.  

    It's going to be hard to choose what's important over what's fun.  Even though I'm going to be taking enough classes of Spanish for a minor, I want to take Japanese.  That could trip me up.  

    Anyway, I have spent entirely too much time on this post.  Goodbye.

Saturday, 02 May 2009

  • Wowza.

    I haven't posted on my Xanga in FO EVAH! Let's see...

    I'm involved in college doohickeys. I am registering for classes in the beginning of June. I'm an Education undergrad, and I have plans to take an English emphasis and a Biology minor so I can teach those two subjects at a high school level. Weeooohooee.

    I've started writing again. I can't not write. It's all secret, though, and I have no aspirations to get published. My dad keeps trying to get me connections with people he knows. It's awkward.

    I drank way too much last night and I puked this morning. Puking is weirdly fun. Does anyone else enjoy puking? I mean, it's not even that uncomfortable, and then you feel fantastic afterward. For about two minutes, but still!

    I love Whitewater and I wish I could live there.

    School registration is in the beginning of June, work switches over to first-party collections at the end of June, trip to Maryland is in July, Harry Potter is in July, 21st birthday is in August, and school starts in September!

    Excitement fills my life.

Monday, 13 April 2009

  • So I'm definitely going to school, but there are a lot of things that need to get done before it happens. I need another car. I need my job to allow me to go part time, and, failing that, I need to find a new, part-time job. I need to pay for my tuition and the tuition of Martin's summer classes. I have many worries. I am anxious and wish I could make things go faster.

    I wish I had guarantees and assurances, and I wish that people were more informative and helpful.

    I wish I were positive about all my decisions.

    I also wish I were immortal and could talk to animals. Oh well.

    I've been compulsively writing to-do lists lately to keep myself sane. Every single one of these to-do lists has disappeared within an hour of being written. One of them was on the back of a library receipt being used as a bookmark, and when I lost it I also lost my page in my book. It was tragic.

    It's easy to tell when I'm truly stressed, because instead of the standard to-do list (a bulleted, single-column list, sometimes with stars to indicate priority items) I start creating to-do schedules or charts. These are bad-ass. They span multiple days, either because I make separate lists for each day and staple them together in a booklet or because I use a larger piece of paper and draw tables in which to keep the separate days. Then, the items are color-coded. Non-important things are usually black, and then I use green, purple, and blue pen to categorize other items. Boxes surround certain items if there are time-limits or other weird criteria.

    My mental chaos also shows when I start writing things like "consider stuff" on my to-do lists/charts. Also when I put things like "sleep."

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Saturday, 11 April 2009

  • We ain't goin' nowhere.

    I dreamt last night that I was moving into a really bad part of a city. I parked my car and a bunch of gangstas approached me and did a little choreographed dance to part of "Bad Boys for Life". Then they expected me to repeat the dance. When I attempted and messed up at the end, they laughed and shook my hand. Then when I sat back down, my car had become a couch. We were in a damp, dark alleyway.

    I was then introduced to my new roommate who would be helping me move in in a little bit. He was an extremely skinny, effeminate young man who was wearing dozens of jingly bracelets and had sparkly earrings and a threadbare t-shirt with a big red star on it. He was singing Part of Your World from the Little Mermaid.

    My entire family from both sides had dinner in this city area. Out in the middle of a big intersection an unbelievably huge table had been set up and was layered in food. Everyone was there except for me and Alex. My seat was between Aunt Aja and Uncle Robert. Aunt Aja was trying to figure out the pepper mill but had accidentally changed the setting so it was spitting out whole balls of pepper without grinding them. It took a really long time for me to scootch past people to get to my seat.

    The night before last I dreamt that I had a baby, and he grew up quickly, his body forming into a young adult's but not actually growing in size (so that he was basically the size and proportion of a Barbie doll.) He had really long black hair, and I liked him. Later, he turned into a young ferret and got into a fight with some other wild ferrets. It was very stressful.

    I think I'm having excessively weird dreams due to stress.

Saturday, 04 April 2009

  • Heh.

    I got my financial award letter and it made me pretty bitter. I wrote a bitter post about it just now. The long and short of it is that since my parents are technically wealthy, the world thinks they should be able to fork over 20% of their income and send me to college. Since life is never fair, that's not happening.

    A loan was offered to me that would give me some help going to school. A fantastic loan was offered to my parents, but my parents can barely keep themselves housed on a monthly basis. As a debt collector, the last thing I want my parents to do is to sign for a loan on my behalf. As trustworthy and reliable I feel I am, no one should ever sign for a loan for their kid. Shit happens.

    Anywho, I was bitter. Sad. I saw my college dream tumble away, and wrote a nice, long post about how cheated I was. I never actually used the word, "cheated" and mostly the post was about how I failed to plan properly for this. Still.

    Then, after getting it all off my chest, I realized that I DID plan for this and I DO have money. With the meager loan offered to me by the government, my savings could probably take me the whole nine yards. At least the whole nine yards of Freshman year.

    The catch is that I don't really have transportation. I looked at used cars from dealers and I barely have the cash to buy something with less than 150,000 miles on it. Urgh. If I buy a lawn car, I could save a couple thousand, the couple thousand I need to go to school. The fear is that I might end up with a money sink instead of a vehicle. It's a tough call.

    At any rate, I don't want to give up hope yet. Some people have random patches of extremely good luck; I do not. So far my good luck appears in the form of a minuscule, steady stream. I can't even really tell that I'm lucky most of the time, but it's there. The rest of my happiness is going to require actual effort. I can do that.

  • I can haz Arabic lessons?

    proveit

    Prove you're human by reading back to us this gibberish garble!

Pulse

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    • Name: Jesika
    • Location: Janesville, Wisconsin, United States
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